how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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