can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
