i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
