I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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