sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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