Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
