Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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