but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
