Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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