Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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