Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
