If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
