Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
