Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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