I'm going to jail i love you
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
