Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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