Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i love accidental penises.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
