u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
