White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
