Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
