Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
