you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
