My nipple is on Facebook.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
