she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
