sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
