Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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