I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
