I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
