she looked like the before picture.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
