youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
