I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
