wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
