if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just sent this text using only my big toe
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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