you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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