how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
