they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
