I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
