Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
