I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
high people should be assigned attendants
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
