During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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