I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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