i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
