we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
