I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
