Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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