1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
