I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
