I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
