Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Girls should come with a carfax report
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
