I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
