I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
