I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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