Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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